She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
