i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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