____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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