we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
