If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's the barista slut.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.