That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE