evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
