I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
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he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Good thing I've started drinking again