Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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