No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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