This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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