Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
