I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
