how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
