I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
