Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
