girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
