when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
