that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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