she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We left the knife in your bed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
