Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
