I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dear god my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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