Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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