We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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