he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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