i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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