The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
