I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
