You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
