Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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