i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
