wakey wakey hands off snakey
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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