Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
