Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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