I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
