Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
