the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
