i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
