It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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