idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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