Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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