Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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