I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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