i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
