Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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