you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
