youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
