i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
