between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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