How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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