i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
