i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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