my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
