Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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