I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
