the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
