I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
