I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
