We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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