I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
