Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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