She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
