If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
