i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
