We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
