It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
