New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
