I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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