I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
