whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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