don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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