we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
