Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They are going to name an STD after you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
