I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize