the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize