I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
did i walk over a car last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
