Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
