The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize