I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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