dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
